Go Ask Alice--Blog 5

We have finally finished the book. I began the novel confused about the narrator. Why does she act the way she does? Why is she so wishy-washy? Well, now that we have finished, I still have not answered the questions I had in the beginning, and I also have new ones. Throughout the novel, the narrator always second-guessed her decisions and contradicted herself. I think that is the point of the novel. I think it is trying to show what some people who use drugs go through, and what battles they have with themselves. Also, having drugs in your life messes a lot of things up and although it may feel great at times, as the novel displayed, the end outcome is not so great. We end the novel with the narrator ending her second diary, saying that she didn't need it anymore and she was now strong enough to fight anything. The last page is a short epilogue saying that the narrator died a few weeks after the last entry. There is still no clear answer as to how the narrator died or whether drugs were involved, we don't even know whether this is really a true story. Either way, this novel is meant to show kids how once you start using drugs, even during the good "highs," you're never going to gain anything really positive from them. Life with drugs is confusing, and full of ups and downs, as is this novel just for that reason. While reading this novel, it was great to see the narrator declare she was done with drugs, but it was also dreadful to see her slipping into the influence of drugs once again. I felt really close to this character and seeing her make poor decisions was very hard. I really feel for this character, and I don't want to judge her for her decisions with using drugs. Sure, some of her drugs experiences were not necessarily entirely her fault but she had some say in all of her actions, which is sad to admit. I know bad things can happen to good people and this is what happened to the narrator. Her bad thing began without her knowledge, at the party where she first tried drugs. Ever since that night, the narrator's life was completely controlled by drugs. It's especially sad because she had no idea what was going to happen. She was completely blindsided by the drugs but she liked it. It's like being in a car accident that you never see coming and then liking the rush... It doesn't make sense to any of us, but some people may feel the same way, which allows them to understand why the narrator made the decisions she did. I'm sad that drugs had so much control over her life and possibly led to her death. Throughout the novel, the narrator never could beat the drugs. In some way or another, drugs were still affecting her life. I guess we'll just have to accept that drugs won in the end, although it wasn't what we wanted and I don't think what she wanted. I enjoyed reading this book and I have a more clear outlook on drugs. I also understand how people could be persuaded to using and reusing drugs, however after reading this novel, I don't understand why anyone would ever want to begin if they had the choice.

Go Ask Alice--Blog 4

Things in the book are still just as changing and drastic as they were in the beginning of the novel. For instance, there has been another death in her life. Gran died soon after her husband's death. She was kind of part of the reason the narrator was trying to stay drug free, so it's sad that she is no longer with her. Also, her opinions on death are still the same. She is scared of it because she doesn't want maggots and worms to crawl inside her and eat her. This fear drives her into a clinic later in the reading. She was babysitting Mrs. Larsen's baby when all of a sudden she found herself in a hospital, almost bandages completely from head to waist. Turns out, she ate a chocolate covered nut that had acid on it. It turns out Jan actually planted the drugs. This rapid onset of acid caused the narrator to feel as if maggots were eating her, and as things led on, she ended up in the hospital with major injuries. After this experience, they decided to put the narrator in a youth clinic. I think this will help the narrator realize what drugs have done to her life and help keep her on the straight path, but I also know, from what we've read thus far that the clinic is awfully painful for the narrator to be in. Throughout the reading, all of the stoners have been mean to the narrator. All of this bullying and peer pressure I'm afraid is going to run her down the bad path once again, which will unfortunately lead to her ultimate downfall. In the clinic, however, she meets a girl with almost as messed up life as she has. Her name is Babbie and they become quick friends. After hearing Babbie's life story and about how she ended up here, the narrator feels for her. I would think all of her compassion towards others who have lived a life of drugs would influence her perception on using drugs. Things continue to worsen in the clinic, which I know will eventually lead to her downfall. All I have to say is... poor narrator. I know we should realize all of the mistakes we have seen her make throughout the novel, but I still feel for her. Yes, she has definitely made some bad decisions, but that doesn't mean she is a bad person, and like she even admits, "After you've had it, there isn't even life without drugs..." This quote seems to be the premise of the plot of this girl's life story.