A Long Way Gone--Chapters 13-14

These chapters were extremely rough. I have to admit, it was hard for me to continue reading these chapters just because I hated who Ishmael had become. I started to lose my feelings of compassion towards Ishmael and the other boys. They were becoming just what they had hated so much: killers. Sure, the government says that they have a reason for killing but is there really any killing of this magnitude that can be justified? In the beginning, the new soldiers are waken up and are told that there will not be training today and instead all of those who follow the Christian religion should go and pray to the Lord because it could be their last time. Man, this was a harsh and eye-opening way to open this chapter that's for sure! We now went into the chapter knowing that there is a chance they will all die soon. Later in the afternoon, all of the boys are lined u and given weapons. They are told to grab as much ammunition as they can. Poor Sheku couldn't even hold himself up once he was given the weapon and ammunition. This was so sad because if he can't even hold the weapon, how do they expect him to fight with it? Then they go off to fight. Ishmael says in this chapter that he has "never been so afraid to go anywhere in my life as I was that day." (116) This made a lot of sense to me but was also mind baffling. Yes, going off to battle would be very, very terrifying, but all of the days he spent running from danger were also very terrifying for him. It seems like he can't win either way, which is a sad thing to realize. Then they were set up to open fire. This was so sad to read because I know it is going to be the beginning of a lot of gruesome and tragic chapters. The battle scene was horrible. Unfortunately, poor Josiah was killed in the battle, and his death is too tragic to write about. Also, Masu was killed. Ishmael says that there is no storyteller for them now. I think this is a huge deal because the stories brought them joy and laughter and memories of their old lives. Without someone telling the stories, they had no way to remember all of the great things they used to know. Ishmael also starts blaming himself for Josiah's death because he made him wake up that morning. Once again, everyone is looking for someone to blame for all of the sadness they are suffering, and rightfully so. Ishmael also talks about how his mind is a void during this period. His role as a soldier has made him become addicted to drugs and the soldiers spent all of their free time either doing drugs, watching movies, or preparing for killing. As if things aren't bad enough for these people, they have to add drugs into the mix. Ishmael recalls feeling a lot of energy and excitement from the drugs but he also recalls when he took all of them at once and the result was not very good. He couldn't sleep for a week and he had become addicted. Another scene that was hard to read was when he suffered from a nightmare where the scene from the swamp replayed in his mind but then a rebel put a gun to his forehead. He woke up from this dream in a frenzy and started shooting his gun rapidly. Other reinforcements then had to come to calm him down and wake him from his torture. This really shows how much the war and becoming a soldier has impacted his every moment of life and his state of mind. The last scene I would like to write about is when they five soldiers were chosen for the game of who can slit the prisoners' necks the fastest. To see Ishmael completely be turned into a monster was hard for me to handle and this was yet another example of his downhill new being. He was declared the winner, which made things even worse for me, and as a reward he became junior lieutenant. The second place winner was Kanei, another boy he had been traveling with all along. I am wondering if this is because since they had traveled together they had seen the same stuff. Earlier in this section, the soldiers talk about how they become angry with the rebels because they killed their families so they should take it out on them and kill them more gruesomely and painfully. I am wondering if the two most angry soldiers, Ishmael and Kanei, have seen the worst of the worst and have felt the strongest hate for the rebels. I'm wondering if all of the things they witnessed were worse than those of other people because something along their journey has made them angrier than the rest, which makes them successful in war. I know that from here on out it is just going to get worse and it is going to be difficult for me to get through it. I can't help but hate Ishmael and who he has become which will make the reading even harder. I guess from now on, I will have to just remember the way his forehead used to shine and all of the happy things about him to keep reading.