A Long Way Gone--Chapters 19-20

These chapters began to bring closure to the story. Ishmael grew a lot throughout these chapters and there is a lot of reflection done by him as an adult to the occurrences he experiences in these chapters. These chapters begin with Ishmael being nervous to join his new family. He didn't know how long it would take his cousins to realize Ishmael was different than most kids and then how long it would take them to ask him about himself. I don't blame him one bit for feeling like a bundle of nerves. If I were in the same situation, I would feel exactly the same. This will be the first time Ishmael is brought back into everyday life. At the Benin Home, he was with other children who had gone through similar experiences. When he moved in with his new family, it wouldn't be the same. He would always have to be on guard for anything that might be thrown at him about his past. It seems like his whole life has been about goodbyes and new beginnings, some good some terrible. So when he had to say goodbye to Mohamad, the last time he will ever see him again, I wasn't surprised. Although things had shaped up dramatically for Ishmael, I didn't expect everything to be good for him. It was sad though to know that Mohamad was sent back to the front lines just because his family didn't want to take him back. Mohamad doesn't have a chance now. If he ever makes it out of the military again, I don't think he would be able to recover because he had already seen what being out of the military was like and he was rejected here so why would he want to be rejected again. I don't think he would be willing to change because nobody did him any good after he changed so if he changed back and then made it out and was supposed to change again, I don't think he would be able to. I don't understand why someone wouldn't just step up and say "I'll take care of him." This is a life that people aren't caring about so if Mohamad ever made it out of the military again, I wouldn't blame him for not wanting to make the change to become a civilian again. Ishmael also becomes compassionate toward Esther. He wonders how she can handle hearing so many children's war stories when he can't even bare his own. That is a very good thought because if he is having constant nightmares from his own experiences, how would someone else be able to make it after hearing countless people's stories. Also, it seems like the world doesn't want Ishmael to have fun. When he tried to go out and have fun with Allie, he is tormented by hideous flashbacks. This is no wonder why he doesn't trust smiling and happiness because almost all of the times he has been happy something bad comes and brings him down again. I was happy when Ishmael won the interview to go to New York City in America because it was kind of like the silver lining to his very long, and very bad cloud. His trip to America is so full of happiness I couldn't help but be happy for Ishmael. I imagined a timid, scared little boy just sitting in Times Square marveling at how amazing the area is. For Ishmael to come from such a rural background, living in the woods, sleeping on the ground, to coming to America and standing in Times Square is truly a miracle. It is the perfect ending to a trouble filled childhood. I think all big cities give people with bad childhoods some safety and hope, which is why so many flock to these big cities when they are down, and Ishmael, well, he was a little bit more than down. To come to New York City and seeing how truly remarkable life really can be would definitely be a spirit lifter for him. Because of this, I completely understand how he says his trip to New York City was a dream that he never wanted to wake up from. I also found this quote interesting because he had been having nightmares of his past for so long and now he is having dreams; carefree, happy, and devoid of gore and inhumane acts, and with an outlook of the future. It is like Ishmael has finally just jumped the last step and has crossed the bridge from his nightmares and killing to dreams and happiness. These chapters for me, finish the story of Ishmael's childhood because he has finally crossed that bridge and has made it past everything that has gone against him and has reached someplace bigger. Although I know at the end of chapter 20, he is on the airplane back to Sierra Leone, and the story is not completely finished, I feel like for me, it is.